You Can Find Love

What Your Fantasies Reveal

Finding the perfect partner

Deep within us there seems an empty chasm that not even a hundred lovers could fill, yet still there is hope. Your dream can come true.

Lasting love has eluded many of the most envied and lusted-after people in the world. For you, however, it can be different.

Dare to dream

How beautiful must a woman be before she no longer needs love? How many times does the average man need to see naked porn stars to block the pain of rejection?

No matter how we try to suppress it, our need for love is inescapable. Behavioral scientists have discovered that even people who focus almost exclusively on impersonal sex – porn, phone sex, fetishism, solitary sex, exhibitionism, bestiality etc – are usually driven to their obsession by a need for love. (How cruelly misunderstood many of these people are.)

Note: "Believe it or not, the driving force behind most sex addicts'compulsion is a desperate need for love." write psychologists Dr. R. Earle and Dr G. Crow in Lonely all the time: Recognizing, Understanding and Overcoming Sex Addiction New York, 1989, page 23

Being in love, however, is a risky, potentially agonizing experience. We might kiss with our eyes closed, but relationships are frighteningly fragile. Beauty sags. People change. Death or disagreement can so easily rob us of the one we love. The deeper our love the deeper our insecurity.

But if reality is cold, dreams are too hot to hold. Our passions seem so insatiable that we shrink from them, yet still they haunt us. Just for a moment, release the iron grip that keeps your longings suppressed in the dungeons of your mind. Let your longings waft free before your gaze, no matter how unattainable they seem. Dare to see what they reveal.

You burn for unwaning intimacy; a companion who will never fail you; a friend who can always be with you, no matter what the hour or place, the instant you want this special person.

Too often you are misunderstood. You crave a lover who can slip inside your mind; ideally, someone who has not only heard of your every trauma and triumph from birth, but experienced them with you.

You need to unburden yourself with an admirer who knows your blackest secrets, yet delights in you with unswerving devotion.

When life’s blows send you reeling, you ache for someone who not only passionately longs to meet your deepest needs, but is always able to. You need a partner so capable that when crisis swallows crisis you can trust your friend to comfort, protect and power you to success. Yet you don’t want to be smothered. On the contrary, you want someone who will nerve you to reach the heights you were born for.

You pine for someone changeless, yet someone you will never tire of; someone who fits your needs so exactly it feels you were made for each other; someone you will be forever proud of; someone whose love for you is so vast that it always satisfies; someone faithful, genuine, open and warm, yet so resistant to the ravages of aging, sickness and tragedy as to seem immortal. You don’t want death to rob you of the one you love, plunging you back into icy loneliness.

There’s hope!

Not a person on earth fits the bill, yet the ache remains. A few dreamers keep chasing the elusive high of starry-eyed love, forever groping for the perfect relationship. The rest of us give up. A person would have to be God to meet our criteria! And how could he help? We’re flesh and blood; God, if he exists, is some nebulous, unapproachable Spirit. The notion of a friendship with God is preposterous.

Or is it? Within the realms of the unknown almost anything could dwell – even a God poised to shatter our insensibility to him. If there is an Intelligence behind creation, why were we made with cravings that could never be satisfied? Is God a sadist, or were those yearnings for the ideal companion planted within because he longs to fulfill them by being your most intimate friend? Could it be that God seems impersonal only because you’re not on close terms with him? If God were impersonal, that would make us superior to our Creator. That’s absurd. If we can speak, feel and love, our Maker can do all that and more. God is warm.

But God is a killjoy! Or is it sin that ultimately kills joy – promising so much yet delivering the hangover, the downer, the unwanted pregnancy, the disease, the cancer, the rejection, the hurt, the shame? Ask sin’s victims – the victims of theft, violence, addiction, divorce, hate, selfishness and slander – whether God’s ways kill joy or make joy.

But God is dull! Really? The God whose power and creativity defy imagination; whose wonders are inexhaustible? Wouldn’t it be a never-ending adventure to be in love with the one Person who is continually able to exceed your wildest dreams?

This exciting Person, whose never-ending companionship and limitless power are able to fill the unfillable hole within us, is the perfect partner you ache for.

But I need someone I can touch. God knows your every need.

The ultimate romance

You are passionately loved. In the eyes of the one Person who really counts, you are special. To other people you might be just one of thousands, but not to the One who made you. You mean so much to him that what God wants with you is like a perfect marriage in which you can enjoy each other forever.

Believing in the opposite sex does not make one married. Neither does believing a creed give us the right to live with God. It is not enough to walk down a church aisle. True marriage is believing in someone so completely that you commit all that you are, and all that you have, to that person for life.

Your Maker is eager to be that devoted to you, but for marriage to work, the commitment must be mutual.

If a street kid married a millionaire, she would get his riches and he would get her debts. He would be tarred with her shame and she would gain his honor. For this to happen, she must turn from rival relationships and bind herself and her meager possessions to this man in marriage. Everything he owns would become hers, if she lets everything of hers become his.

Similarly, if we entrust to God everything we have – our time, abilities, relationships and possessions – he will reciprocate, embracing us with divine extravagance. We hand our depravity to Jesus, relinquishing even our fondest sin. It becomes his. That’s what killed him. In return, Jesus’ sinless perfection envelops us, enabling us to be on intimate terms with the Holy God.

In entering this love pact, we give God the right to do whatever he likes with our assets, but the Owner of the universe makes his riches available to us. We trade our talents, for his omnipotence; our attempts to run our lives, for his unlimited wisdom. We give him our time on earth and he gives us eternity.

In every way we benefit from this proposal and God gets the raw end. But God is in love with you. He wants this holy union more than you can imagine. Don’t break his heart and miss out on the ultimate human experience by holding back.

A marriage made in heaven

The following corresponds to wedding vows in which you give yourself to the Lord, thus making him your God. In turn, the King of kings makes you worthy of spiritual fusion with him and pledges to devote himself unreservedly to you. If the following accurately describes your feelings, you can make it your prayer by reading it to God.

Wonderful Lord,

It hurts to admit how selfish I’ve been. I have caused you grief, yet you sent your Son who gave his life and defeated death to secure my pardon.

You have given yourself totally for me and I long to respond to your overwhelming love, by dedicating all I have to pleasing you. I take you to be my God from this day forward.

I will love, honor and obey you. I yield to your loving protection and guidance. I surrender my sins to you, renouncing even those things that entice me. And in exchange I receive your pardon, your purity, and your power to live a life worthy of you.

Thank you that we have now commenced a union so unique and powerful that not even death can break it.

The Lord of heaven and earth knows your secret thoughts. If you prayed the entire prayer honestly, you have entered a new spiritual realm. That’s hard to believe. Everything seems the same. But not from heaven’s perspective. The spiritual contract is sealed.

The proof lies not in your feelings (such as whether you feel guilty or happy), but in the integrity of the Holy One. He has given his word (in the Bible) that whoever turns from sin and looks to Jesus for cleansing, has a radically new destiny. God is no liar!

If this is the first time you have genuinely offered such a prayer, you need further support immediately. E-mail me now on grantley.morris@gmail.com. I’d love to hear all about you. Even the briefest e-mail saying you have prayed the prayer or asking a question allows me to pray for you and to send you more information.

The perfect partner

In old-fashioned romance, young lovers, leaving reality behind would let their emotions and dreams run wild. Not surprisingly, their language was laced with religious expressions:

* She idolizes him

* He adores her

* You’re divine

* He’s heavenly

* He worships the ground she walks on

* A marriage made in heaven

Religious words dropped spontaneously from the lips of people who weren’t religious. As they discovered, throbbing just below the surface of our consciousness is the awareness that religion and the euphoric love we crave are inextricably linked.

The craving deep within you will remain insatiable until you enjoy a thrilling and fulfilling union with the One who made you. God is the perfect partner you pine for. Yet his very perfection makes him unapproachable. The Almighty is awesomely holy; incomparably virtuous; incomprehensibly pure. We are not. If the intensity and purity of God’s moral perfection were thought of as blinding light, we are like darkness by comparison. And darkness cannot exist in the presence of light.

Back to reality

We come hurtling back to reality. There’s a solution, but to appreciate its grandeur, we must consider the magnitude of the problem. This is so distasteful that we instinctively shrink from it, like dungeon dwellers recoiling from sunlight. We’ll expose facts that challenge the limits of our ability to grapple with reality. Yet facing them is the most liberating experience a human can know.

If we burst into a hospital and chanced upon a doctor sterilized for surgery, he could not touch us. We may seem immaculate, but not by the standards he must keep.

We are like that in the presence of the holy Lord. We may be as good as the next guy, but by the unreachable perfection of God’s standards we are moral lepers. God must keep his distance.

That seems an over-reaction. Being surrounded by imperfection all our lives has clouded our ability to see ourselves objectively. Deep down we suspect the worst but we flee from it like people refusing cancer checks, even though early diagnosis brings life, not death.

We try to fill our lives with endless activity so that we do not have to think of it. Yet deep down we know we stand guilty in the presence of a holy God. Even when we imagine we have pushed it out of our minds, it controls us more than we realize. A favorite, rarely conscious, technique to silence our suppressed but nagging conscience is to concoct a doctored moral code that lets us entertain the delusion that we are morally superior to some people. What drives us to despise certain people, or to gossip, is not unkindness or snobbishness so much as a desperate attempt to drown the shrieks of our own conscience. We are driven to all lengths – even to accusing God of injustice – to try to ease our guilt.

We spurn God’s laws, hurt each other, and then have the audacity to blame God for the mess. ‘Why do the innocent suffer?’ we sneer, conveniently forgetting the times our anger, greed and lies have hurt the innocent. For some suspicious reason, there is a degree of hurt we deem excusable, and the hurt we have inflicted happens to compare favorably with the standard we have arbitrarily set. God cannot be party to such hypocrisy.

(I warned this horror story would take you to the edge of your tolerance. Rich rewards, however, await those with the courage to face facts we inwardly know to be true. When approaching a God who can make us more beautiful than we dare dream, we have no need to act like burns patients smashing mirrors.)

If God is a God of love, why does he allow the evil that’s rampant in this world? For anyone not entranced by his/her own hypocrisy, the reason is obvious. God longs to destroy all evil, and the time is fast approaching when he will (2 Peter 3:9-13). But how, without unprincipled favoritism, could he do this without destroying you and me?

Becoming beautiful

Should we reform and never so much as think another wrong thought, it wouldn’t help. If water is contaminated, adding pure water doesn’t help – the water is still contaminated. There’s corruption in our past and we cannot change the past.

Some things God cannot do without violating his integrity. Consider a man in court found guilty of dangerous driving. The judge happens to be a close friend of the defendant. Would it be right for the judge to declare his guilty friend innocent? Or could he fine the offender less because he is his friend? Only a corrupt judge could condone law-breaking or display favoritism.

And God is our Judge, because there is no such monstrosity as a self-made person. None of us decided to come into existence, or can even design our offspring’s fingerprints. God formed the brain cells we think with. We owe him everything. The Lord is maker – and therefore owner – of every molecule and organism we have ever used or abused. Like it or loathe it, that makes us accountable to God for our every action. Our selfishness has hurt people. It would be an outrage for the Supreme Judge to ignore our offenses. We’re the ones who bellow at God when we see wrongdoing go unpunished. Though his devotion to you defies explanation, he cannot do other than declare you guilty. And justice demands the penalty be paid.

That leaves just two alternatives. Either you pay the penalty, or someone pays it for you.

It would be sheer conceit for me to consider taking your punishment. I have my own wickedness to answer for. But the eternal Son of God, two thousand years ago, left his celestial judgment seat and came to earth. He became the sole human who has lived a perfect life. In the brilliance of his purity, our highest moral achievements look like mud. So when Christ voluntarily endured the pain and shame of a criminal’s death, something of cataclysmic significance was happening. The innocent Son of God was taking upon himself full blame for your sin.

Physical torment choked in a sea of spiritual agony. On the cross the only person who has enjoyed eternal oneness with God cried, ‘My God, why have you abandoned me?’ Father God was compelled to desert his beloved Son, treating him as the vilest sinner, until the horrific penalty was paid in full. After absorbing the full consequences of our depravity, Christ broke through to life again, blasting a path for us to follow.

You are the focal point of this heart-stopping display of love, the greatest love the universe has known. Will you continue to spurn it?

Enjoy the ultimate love affair

Christ’s sacrifice has provided a legal way whereby anyone, though guilty, can go scot-free. But that does not make forgiveness automatic.

To be intimate with the Lord of the galaxies; to have divine power flowing through your veins; to reach the peaks you were made for, requires a response on your part. To explain, let’s return to the reckless driver.

A judge would have to fine his friend for breaking the law. It is quite legal, however, to offer a friend money to pay the fine. It is then up to the offender whether he accepts the judge’s gift.

It would break Jesus’ heart if you slight his offer to suffer for you. The only alternative is for you to bear the penalty. That’s the last thing he wants. God is anxious to save you from the horrors of hell and grant you a fulfilling, life-changing partnership with him. But you must accept the gift. That involves admitting that you need the gift – that only Jesus’ sacrifice can absolve your guilt.

There is one more consideration. If our lead-footed friend, the dangerous driver, intends perpetuating the same offenses, he is a danger to the community. It would be wrong to pardon someone who plans to continue flouting the law.

Similarly, it would be wrong for God to forgive us until our attitude to sin has changed.

I reel at the thought of the hordes who have tragically missed this point. A second analogy will confirm its centrality.

You are trapped in a sea of sin. Bottomless waters lap towering cliffs. No one can tread water forever. The murky depths terrify you, except for one spot. You’ve found a place where the deadly waters seem beautiful and the sensual waves exquisite. How can anyone take seriously your cries for help if you’re splashing around enjoying yourself? And what’s the point of saving someone who is hell-bent on plunging back after every rescue attempt? No one with a suicidal commitment to a sin can be saved.

This doesn’t mean you must initiate a sinless life to enjoy forgiveness. We’re in sin’s death grip. Only Jesus can break it. But do you want him to? Do you want to be rid forever of your favorite sin?

The Almighty gives us dignity by respecting our wishes. If we don’t want him to be our God – ie in total control of our lives - it grieves and appalls him, but in his gentleness he will permit us to go our own way. No one has suffered the pain of rejected love like God.

You can never be forced to love someone. Nor can you be forced to desire purity of heart. The Giver has done all he can. It’s over to you.

To ignore our Creator is the height of selfishness. He is the Source of every good thing we ever enjoyed. (Even sin’s fizzle of pleasure, that slippery shadow of the real thing seized while defying him, is possible only because of our God-given ability to experience pleasure.) Every wonderful thing we take for granted comes from him. He even holds our atoms together. He protects and nurtures even those who ignore him, providing abundant opportunity for them to respond to his astounding love. They don’t want God to interfere, but he does anyhow – showering them with a myriad soft, warm, beautiful, delicious, refreshing, thrilling and inspiring gifts. At death, however, those who on earth wanted to be independent of God are finally granted their wish. That’s the ultimate horror. To be eternally severed from the Source of all love, beauty, fulfillment and joy is a prospect too terrifying to contemplate.

With a repentant attitude towards ungodly ‘pleasures’, however, and a reliance upon the pardoning power of Jesus’ sacrifice, you give God free rein to do what he longs to do – pay your debt to justice and credit to your account the moral perfection of Christ. That makes you so pure in his eyes that you need no longer be isolated from him. You can then commence an endless communion with the most wonderful Person in the universe.

Would you now like to pray to give your life to God? Yes

Do you feel it is too soon to give your life to God? If so, choose one of the following:

• What’s in it for me?

• I want to think about it some more