Susan has a secret

Susan has a Secret

A Christian Children’s Story

Especially Helpful for Sexually Abused Children

Powerful Christian Help for Child

Alters

Of Dissociative Identity Disorder

Sufferers

Note: Adults Find this Helpful, Too

Susan has a secret. It makes her feel very, very bad and dirty. Something happened that makes her think she is the naughtiest girl in the whole world. She is too scared to let anyone know. It makes her so sad and so very lonely.

Susan would like to be an octopus. Then she would have eight arms with which to hug. Mommy’s hugs make her feel safe and warm and special. She needs so many but gets so few. Too often she feels cold and lonely and unsafe.

Octopuses can do something amazing. When they want to hide from someone they squirt black ink into the water as they swim. Then no one can find them. There is someone Susan wishes she could hide from. And that person does things to her because she had a human body. Susan wishes God had made her an octopus because octopuses don’t have those body parts.

Susan is pretty. Even the angels in heaven know it, but no one has ever told Susan. In fact, people have said things that make her think she isn’t pretty. She has not yet discovered that God himself thinks she is beautiful.

Susan would love to have God as a friend. He would keep her secret and he would believe her and be kind to her. They could play together and be best friends. But Susan thinks God only likes good kids and she is so bad.

One day Susan went to church and heard something amazing. The preacher opened the Bible and spoke of a man with a funny name – Zacchaeus. Let’s call him Zak, for short. Everybody hated Zak. He always cheated people and took their money. Even the worst people in town were sure they were better than Zak. No one wanted him as a friend.

One day Jesus came to town. Everyone was excited and wanted desperately to see him. Even though many of them had not yet seen him, they had all heard about him. The whole country was talking about how good Jesus is. No one had ever known anyone so good as him and God always answered his prayers. He was sad whenever he saw anyone sick or hurting. He would pray for them and they would get well, even if they had been so sick that they were dying. He liked children and protected them whenever people said unkind things about them. And he told wonderful stories about God.

So everyone lined the streets hoping for a glimpse of this special man. Of course, Zak wanted to see Jesus, too, but even though he was a grownup, everyone laughed at him because he was no taller than a child. There were just too many people, and tiny Zak couldn’t see over their heads. He kept running from place to place hoping to find a gap in the crowd where he might be able to peek at Jesus, but even when he stood on tip toes and jumped, he was just too short. Then he had an idea. He ran ahead of Jesus and climbed a tree. He felt safe up there, hiding behind the leaves. No one would know he was there, so no one would laugh at him, and as he peered through the leaves he would get a good look at this wonderful man that everyone was talking about. Jesus came closer and closer and suddenly he looked up at Zak. Zak’s heart beat fast. Jesus called him by name.

“How does Jesus know my name?” he wondered, “Jesus is truly an amazing man.”

“Come down from the tree, Zak,” said Jesus tenderly, “I want to have dinner with you.”

Everyone was angry. Some of those who had lots of friends and thought they were good, had hoped Jesus might have chosen to have dinner with them, but instead Jesus chose the worst man in town – the one everyone hated.

“Look at who Jesus has chosen as a friend!” they complained, “Zak does bad things to people. He’s a cheat and a liar and a thief. What right does he have to be friends with Jesus?”

Zak was sad. He knew they were right. But Jesus insisted on having dinner with him. Zak had never been so excited in all his life and all the people looked on in amazement (Luke 19:1-10).

Jesus was always choosing as his friends people who were dirty or sick or bad or who were hated and had no friends. One day he was invited to a party and a woman came in who felt so very dirty. Everyone knew that she did bad things to men. She had not been invited to come. No one would ever have asked her. She felt so bad that she fell at Jesus’ feet and cried and cried and cried, making Jesus’ feet wet with her tears. Everyone expected Jesus to push her away but he not only let her stay, he praised her and told everyone that God had forgiven her of every bad thing she had ever done. In fact, he said that loving God is the most important thing and that those who love God the most are those who realize that God has forgiven them for the worst sins (Luke 7:36-50).

Another time, Jesus met a woman who was shaking in fear. She was so bad that everyone thought she should die because of the bad things she had done. In fact, they were going to kill her right then.

“Let whoever has never done anything bad be the first to hurt her,” said Jesus.

Everyone was shocked. They all thought they were much better than her, but Jesus’ words forced them to remember that they, too, had done wrong. One by one, they bowed their heads in shame and left. Finally, Jesus alone remained with the woman.

“Where are all those who accuse you of being bad?” he asked.

“They’ve all gone,” she replied.

“And I don’t find fault with you, either. Go in peace, and put an end to wrongdoing” (John 8:1-11).

Do you know what forgiveness means? It means that although you know someone has been bad, you treat that person as if he or she were good. You are as nice to that person as if he or she had never done anything wrong.

Jesus told a story about a man who had done lots and lots of good things. He was so proud of all the good things he had done that even though no one is perfect, he couldn’t think of anything bad that he should be sorry for and ask God to forgive. There was another man, said Jesus, who was so bad that he could find not one good thing to boast about. All he could do was beg God for forgiveness. Jesus said that it was the bad man who made God happy, not the good man. The bad man was good in God’s eyes because he was sorry and asked God for forgiveness. The man everyone had thought was good, however, remained unforgiven because he never thought he needed to ask God’s forgiveness. The little wrong things he had done stopped him from being perfect, but because the bad man had asked for God’s forgiveness, the man who had once been bad was perfect in God’s eyes (Luke 18:10-14). Jesus told this story so that we would understand that what makes us good in God’s sight is not what we have done in the past, but whether we have told God we are sorry and asked him to forgive us.

The preacher said Jesus is so special because he is the only person in the world who has never done one wrong thing. Not only is Jesus perfect, he had lived as king forever in heaven and then chose to come to earth as a little baby and grow up to teach people about God. No one knows God like he does. He left his riches and throne in heaven and came to earth because he loves bad people so much that he wants to be punished for the bad things they have done instead of them being punished.

Because only Jesus is perfect, every one of us deserves to be punished. Wonderful Jesus cares so much for each of us that he let himself be punished for us all. He let men blindfold him, spit on him and beat him and whip him and laugh at him and swear at him and say nasty things about him. They took off all his clothes in front of everyone, then forced nails into his body and hung him up for everyone to see and laugh as he cried in pain and slowly died. He took upon himself our punishment so that he could swap his goodness for our badness. He did it to make bad people good.

Just three days later, Jesus rose from the dead. By coming back to life, like no one else ever has, Jesus proved that he is a winner and that by suffering and dying in our place he really does make completely good and clean the dirtiest sinner who believes in him.

And guess who was the first person Jesus showed himself to in order to prove to the world that nothing, not even death, is as strong as him. He didn’t choose a king to show himself to. He didn’t choose someone rich or important, or even one of his disciples to be the first. He chose a woman who even today people think of as bad – a woman who had had seven dirty demons living inside her (Mark 16:9-11; John 20:1-18). She was once ugly and dirty inside but Jesus made her heart beautiful and as pure and clean as the whitest snow. As always, Jesus was choosing bad people as his special friends and making them good.

“Jesus has already taken all your punishment,” said the preacher. “Do you want Jesus to make you good?”

Susan was excited. Did she ever want to be made good!

The preacher continued, “If you want God to make you clean inside, you just have to pray this prayer and mean it: “Dear Jesus, thank you so much for being punished in my place and dying so that you could take my sin and give me your goodness. I am sorry for all the bad things I have done. I want you to make me as perfect in God’s eyes as you are. I give you all the bad I have ever done and I receive from you all the good that you have done. Thank you that this makes me so good that I can now be God’s child and he will look after me.”

Susan joyfully prayed that prayer and knew that even though she didn’t feel any different, and even if other people didn’t believe her, Jesus had truly made her good in God’s eyes. All day long she sang to herself, “I am good. Jesus makes me good. I am good. Jesus makes me good.”

God treated Susan as if she had never done a wrong thing in her whole life, and that’s just how God will treat you when you pray to Jesus like Susan did.

Susan desperately wanted a good parent – one who would be kind and gentle and thoughtful and never hurt her or do bad things to her. And yet she wasn’t too sure about God being a father. Men scared her. She needed someone strong, but someone gentle. She tried to trust God and she found to her joy that he was not like the men that she had known. God always treated her well. He was that kind person she had always hoped for, as well as her best friend, and her protector.

One day, a gentle voice spoke in Susan’s heart. She thought that maybe it was her own thoughts or perhaps her imagination, but it was God himself. “I am King of all of heaven and earth,” he said. “I can only live inside good people but because you trust Jesus and believe that he suffered and died for you, I have made you so good that I live inside of you. Like everyone who believes in me, I have made you my very own child so that I can show you great kindness and look after you. If I am the greatest of kings and you are my daughter, what does that make you?”

Susan thought hard. “God is a king and I am his daughter. What does that make me?” Suddenly she thought she knew the answer, but it seemed too good to be true. “It means I’m a princess?” she asked.

“Yes,” said God, “you are a princess – and better than even the greatest princess in the world. You are princess to me, the greatest king in heaven and earth.”

“Wow!” said Susan, stunned.

Susan often used to have a nightmare in which a tree would turn into a witch and tell Susan, “You are bad, you are bad, you are bad!” Now she knew that if ever that witch appeared, she could stamp her foot and say, “No! You are a liar! Jesus has made me good! I am God’s princess, so go away, you nasty witch!” And the witch would fill with shame and have to leave.

One day, Susan saw in her mind the man who had done bad things to her. It was like a dream only she was awake. This often used to happen to her. Although the man wasn’t really there, everything seemed so real. He wanted to hurt her and make her feel dirty just like he had so many times before. This time she stamped her foot and said, “No! I’m a princess! God lives inside of me. You can never do that to me again. You must leave right now or I’ll tell the police and they will put you in jail, you naughty man.” The man stared at her, stunned. He looked as big and as mean as ever, and Susan was as little as she had always been, but she stood firm. The man turned and left. Susan grinned from ear to ear, then jumped for joy. “Thank you, Jesus! Thank you for making me a princess!”

Susan was no longer sad that she was not an octopus. She no longer needed to make an ink cloud. She no longer needed to hide. She had no need to wish that parts of her body were not human. In fact, Susan discovered that God was very glad that she was a child and not an octopus. God loves animals. He loves plants and mountains and sunsets, too, but none of them can talk with God and share their hearts with him like children can. It is because Susan is a child that she can be God’s daughter, the King of kings’ princess. God likes her body just the way it is. He is proud of the way he had made her and he knows she is beautiful. And God thinks of you just like he thinks of Susan.

One day, a fierce monster of a demon appeared to Susan. He was so scary that even most grownups would shake in fear if they saw him. Suddenly Susan remembered who she was. “Go away!” she said, “I’m only four years old but I’m God’s princess. Jesus is with me, so you have to leave.” The demon didn’t like that at all. He turned the meanest and sounded the nastiest that he possibly could, but Susan was unmoved. He growled and spoke terrible lies about Susan, saying that she was bad and that she belonged to him and that no one could ever make him leave. Still he failed to fool Susan into thinking he was stronger than her. “Jesus has made me good and you must leave,” she said. He was ever so angry and looked as if he would kill her but even though he pretended not to show it, he knew Susan was God’s princess and when a princess speaks, everyone must obey. The demon had no choice. He left.

The above is based on the real experiences of the child alter of a child abuse survivor.